Losing It

Husband, his Dad, and his Grandfather. The apple certainly doesn’t fall far from the tree in this family.

It’s normal for brides (grooms too) to be nervous and anxious before their wedding. It’s expected. I mean getting married is HUGE. Getting married means promising to love, cherish, and respect someone FOREVER. It means holding back their hair when their sick, washing their dirty clothes, sharing the TV, and being completely open and honest with them for the rest of each other’s lives. That’s not something to be taken lightly.

Not to mention the wedding itself…there are a gazillion things that could go wrong, (i.e. programs never delivered, pouring rain when the ceremony is scheduled to be outdoors, garter being accidently thrown away…). There’s just a lot to think about and plan which makes the whole affair a little stressful.

I know a couple girls who were so cool and calm before their wedding. They were so carefree, like Mila Kunis. She seems very carefree to me. I think I could be a pretty cool and collected Mila Kunis-style bride if it wasn’t for my tendency to freak out and have panic attacks when my life changes in any way, shape, or form.

Marriage doesn’t frighten me. Husband is great at taking care of me when I’m sick, I am great at picking his boxers up off the floor (everyday), luckily we watch the same shows, and I’m so honest that I share my secrets online and he is totally supportive.

Several little things went askew at the wedding, and I didn’t go all bridezilla. I’ll admit I cried a little (just getting my face airbrushed really helped me hold back the tears) when the planner called to tell me everything was going to have to be moved inside due to the storms rolling in, but other than that I thought I was level headed.

Reading a letter from Husband. Zoey gave it to me after I received the bad news to lift my spirits. It worked.

Still, I panicked. The entire week before the wedding I couldn’t eat, and when I forced myself to get some nourishment I got sick. The ticker scrolling through my brain read, “Things will be bad. You do not deserve this. You will get sick. You will pass out. Something is VERY WRONG.” And, because I do not have my medicine to keep this from happening I was starting to lose my mind.

Enter GRACE.

A very wonderful, giving, understanding friend (who is a fellow panicked person) saved me. She told me kind words that I needed to here, but more than that she gave me drugs.

Now, before judgment rears it’s ugly head….It’s a panic-attack-stopping drug that I’ve had before, and would still have if insurance was in place.  I know it’s not exactly ethical to take medicine you do not have a prescription for, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Plus, the pineapple juice and vodka just was not doing the trick. This magical little pill was the saving grace of my wedding week.

I turned the medication down the first few days, and tried to deal with my anxiety in other ways….

-Keeping myself and everyone around me very busy.
-Pampering myself.
-Throwing an all night dance party.
-Laughing with friends.
-And laughing at our Dad’s for wearing the exact same outfit to the rehearsal dinner!

The morning of the wedding, I told ‘Grace’ that I was going to sleep in to get my beauty sleep, as she ran out at the crack of dawn to run errands. Three hours later she returned to me lying in bed, wide-eyed, sick as a dog, and still unable to eat a bite.

She half offered/half forced me to take some medicine as a curled into the fetal position, barely able to catch my breath.

For the first time in a long time, I felt normal. I was still nervous about getting to the car without my dress getting soaked, saying my vows, and performing a choreographed routine at the reception, but I was NOT sick. I was NOT panicked. I was able to eat, sleep, and really enjoy each and every moment.

Thank you Grace.

2 Replies to “Losing It”

  1. LOVE the photo of your dads. Hilarious!

    1. Isn’t that funny!? I believe they called each other and planned it.

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