Zoey asked me to join her in a group exercise class yesterday, one that I do not love attending. However, I am being positive now, and decided I should go to support Zoey and maybe get some aerobic benefits in the process. Nothing is particularly wrong with this class. It’s actually a great workout, and the teacher is really fun. The only problem is me.
This class just is not for me; I am too picky, and I need more of a challenge. I was trying to be positive though, so when we got there I enthusiastically found my spot near the front with plenty of space and a perfect view in the mirror. Zoey found her spot in the back behind a pole. We participate in class very differently.
Before we begin I turn my head to say something to Zoey, and as I turn back to the front there is a girl standing literally one inch in front of me AGAIN. How does one think this is appropriate behavior? Have these ladies never taken a group exercise class before?! We clearly need space to shake our hips and pump our arms up and down.
–deep breaths—stay positive—
I decide to step backwards and let the space thief take my spot. “It’s all yours”, I say, silently, in my head.
Class begins and I shuffle to the left to get a view of myself in the mirror. The thief also shuffles. I smile, no problem, shuffle to right and once again can watch myself perform. The thief then feels the need to also shuffle to the right.
This goes on and on, and I decide it is not so important; I do not have to see myself. I am getting a great workout whether I can see myself or not. Happy thoughts. Then, I smell it.
The thief is a farter.
She passed gas every 3 minutes for the rest of class. I swear to you, I could taste it. Don’t get me wrong; I understand that farts tend to sneak out during a workout class (especially yoga) but at some point you need to hold it in. I really really tried to find a positive spin to the smelly thief, but I was at a loss at this point. I decided it was best to tough it out and hold my breath.
Towards the end of class the teacher added high kicks to the routine. High kicks are something I pride myself on, and you know I love to show off and get teacher approval during class. I happily and haughtily danced and kicked along to the music, smiling the whole time. All of a sudden the teacher sashays in my direction, a big smile on her face, I can hardly wait for my obvious forthcoming compliment. Unexpectedly, she stops right in front of the stinky farting thief. “Amazing high kicks!” she exclaims, and then continues to high-five the very girl who stole my spot! I only wish someone was there to capture the look of disappointment and shock on my face.
When class was over I was drenched in sweat, my legs felt like jelly and I felt proud for finishing the class. Today, I am super sore. I love to feel sore after I workout, it’s real proof that I worked hard and I am getting stronger. It turns out that I am pretty happy I went to the class, and definitely feel better for it. I’m so glad I stuck it out. Now, I am more motivated to keep working out throughout the week.
Moral of the story: When life farts in your face, hold your breath and keep moving.