I’m Still a Brat

Zoey asked me to join her in a group exercise class yesterday, one that I do not love attending. However, I am being positive now, and decided I should go to support Zoey and maybe get some aerobic benefits in the process. Nothing is particularly wrong with this class. It’s actually a great workout, and the teacher is really fun. The only problem is me.

I am a brat.

This class just is not for me; I am too picky, and I need more of a challenge.  I was trying to be positive though, so when we got there I enthusiastically found my spot near the front with plenty of space and a perfect view in the mirror. Zoey found her spot in the back behind a pole. We participate in class very differently.

Before we begin I turn my head to say something to Zoey, and as I turn back to the front there is a girl standing literally one inch in front of me AGAIN. How does one think this is appropriate behavior? Have these ladies never taken a group exercise class before?! We clearly need space to shake our hips and pump our arms up and down.

–deep breaths—stay positive—

I decide to step backwards and let the space thief take my spot. “It’s all yours”, I say, silently, in my head.

Class begins and I shuffle to the left to get a view of myself in the mirror. The thief also shuffles. I smile, no problem, shuffle to right and once again can watch myself perform. The thief then feels the need to also shuffle to the right.

This goes on and on, and I decide it is not so important; I do not have to see myself. I am getting a great workout whether I can see myself or not.  Happy thoughts. Then, I smell it.

The thief is a farter.

She passed gas every 3 minutes for the rest of class. I swear to you, I could taste it. Don’t get me wrong; I understand that farts tend to sneak out during a workout class (especially yoga) but at some point you need to hold it in. I really really tried to find a positive spin to the smelly thief, but I was at a loss at this point. I decided it was best to tough it out and hold my breath.

Towards the end of class the teacher added high kicks to the routine. High kicks are something I pride myself on, and you know I love to show off and get teacher approval during class. I happily and haughtily danced and kicked along to the music, smiling the whole time. All of a sudden the teacher sashays in my direction, a big smile on her face, I can hardly wait for my obvious forthcoming compliment. Unexpectedly, she stops right in front of the stinky farting thief. “Amazing high kicks!” she exclaims, and then continues to high-five the very girl who stole my spot! I only wish someone was there to capture the look of disappointment and shock on my face.

When class was over I was drenched in sweat, my legs felt like jelly and I felt proud for finishing the class. Today, I am super sore. I love to feel sore after I workout, it’s real proof that I worked hard and I am getting stronger. It turns out that I am pretty happy I went to the class, and definitely feel better for it. I’m so glad I stuck it out. Now, I am more motivated to keep working out throughout the week.

Moral of the story: When life farts in your face, hold your breath and keep moving.


6 Replies to “I’m Still a Brat”

  1. Hahaha! I thought you were gonna say the teacher blamed the gas on you! Maybe the girl took the place in front of you so she could pass them off on you! Anyway, that’s funny! I’m sure Zoeys glad she was in the back.

    1. hahaha omg i would have died!

  2. Lol! I hate when people get in my bubble!!

    1. exactly! She totally popped my bubble, not cool

    2. Oh i wish i could have. The class was packed though… maybe I should have stole someone else’s spot though! haha

  3. Gross, i’d have moved away fast!

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